Social Media

Communication is quickly becoming a lost art.  We no longer write eloquent letters to our loved ones or fret about misspelled words, instead we applaud acronyms in place of full sentences and send text messages instead of picking up the phone to call.

It is depressing that it has become acceptable for a family member to text you Happy Birthday rather than call or send a card.  

When did our lives become so busy?  When did it become too difficult to simply speak to one  another in order to communicate?

True, I am better in writing than in conversation.  Because when I write I am able to carefully say what I mean rather than jumble my words together and spit them out in a random thought that has a different or less meaning than I intended.  

This is apparent even in my text messages.  I send novels instead of fragments; I try to spell out every word and carefully say exactly what I mean rather than abbreviate.  But too often my novels go unread or unanswered like thoughts sent out to the universe with an echo...

When did we become too busy to respond?  We are so focused on what is going on in our own lives that we have forgotten how fulfilling it is to spend quality time with our friends and family.

We have digressed.

We've traded phone calls for text messages, text messages for no response at all.  We've traded greeting cards for e-cards and wrapped gifts for gift cards.  We're too busy to pick up the phone, to put pen to paper, or to go out to a store.  We have instead traded the corner store for Amazon, Blockbuster for Netflix, and cashiers for Google wallet.

Our society has become too busy to notice that we are failing at an elementary level.  We blame outsourcing jobs for our economical crisis yet we contribute daily to the problem by refusing to take the time to visit a local business.  

When was the last time anyone heard the word boycott?  It has become such a foreign concept to get a community of like minded people to unite in a cause and STOP.  

Instead we post our propaganda on Social Media websites and define ourselves by "friends" that we barely know and "followers" that we don't intend to lead. 

Social media has made us socially mediocre.  

But...it's not too late to become exceptional.

~M

Changes

Learning of the death of a loved one is cause for pause and reflection.
This evening was no different:  as I was sitting here on my couch watching a movie, I couldn't help but to, quite literally, pause the movie to reflect.

When I'm feeling philosophical and/or nostalgic sometimes I have bible verses pop into my mind that I learned when I was a kid.  
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8:
Verse 1: To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven.

What a powerful way to think of time: as a period to every purpose. 

Life is fragile and should not be taken for granted:
We must instead live life with purpose and what greater purpose is there than love?  

For me, family equals love.  The family that we are born with,  that we make along the way, and that we build through lasting friendships.

This year has been different than the past several years;  our family dynamics are evolving. Some have been exceptional changes--yet others: devastating.  

Regardless of the reason for these changes, the time to every purpose will come.  
We will welcome birth, we will mourn loss, we will laugh, we will cry, we will be angry, and we will forgive...

...all of this in time, to every love.

~M

Confessions of a Chocoholic.

Admit it, you've done it too. That moment when you should've quit while you were ahead, and yet that last morsel of delicious delectable spoke to you. "Eat me." And you obliged. For some people it is the "I must clean my plate" routine, for others--food is just too good to pass up. No matter who you are, at some point, you've had that feeling like you've just been stuffed to your gullet.

I'm a stress eater. I eat when I'm stressed and then get stressed over eating about stress. See what just happened there?! I'm convinced that I'm missing a chromosome or a genetic switch. It will happen out of the blue, and I'll think to myself, "Self, please stop". Stupid Self, she never listens to me!

Then comes the inevitable food coma, the leveling of the blood sugar that feels like you just took a hit...the light bulb goes off, I'm just a freaking junkie: chocolate is my addiction.

Why don't they have a 12-step program for junk food junkies?  I can see it now:

Hi, my name is Magdalene, and chocolate is my drug of choice.  "Hi Magdalene."
It's been 3 days since my last chocolate and I'm starting to get the urge to use chocolate again.  I'm finding myself wandering around the drug stores and Super Wal-marts...up and down the candy aisle.  I keep trying to stay away from the old stomping grounds but it is OH SO HARD!  I go to the grocery store and just when I think I'm in the clear they have the Easter candy display right next to the check-out...you know the one in Safeway?!  It is massive!!  How cute, the chocolate eggs and the Reese's bunnies, and yet I know I shouldn't.  Why does being bad have to taste SO good?!
And then there's that week, you know the one.  I start craving chocolate a few days before...it's like a sickness.

Magdalene, anytime you feel that urge to binge and purge, call your sponsor.  We are here for you.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Well, you get the gist.
~M
  

Turning off the Hamster Wheel

There is something very uplifting about reading other blogs.

I have this hamster wheel inside my head, constant spinning, never getting anywhere. Think. Think. Think. It is like in the Minority Report, a constant tape going in my head. Pause, rewind, replay. Think. Think. Think. Go back, this happened, go forward, that happened, pause, rewind, play. It is the same attention to detail and intense problem solving skills that make me good at my job. I love that I can put pieces together, details that seem irrelevant yet matter, and figure out what is going on. I hate that I cannot shut off my brain.

Jason says that the reason I can't sleep is because I can't stop thinking, he also says that it is the same reason when I wake up in the middle of the night I don't just roll over and fall back to sleep. Eyes open=brain on.

Reading other peoples' thoughts is like a mental vacation. I love it when I can witness other peoples' thought process. Learn from it. Improve. Feels better already. Blogs are unique in that way, unlike a book, it is a rant or rave or blurb about fill in the blank. From start to finish it is how the author thinks. That particular thought of the day, how they start it off, their formation of words, and how they bring it all together is a form of art.

I like the Blogs that are perspective the best. The ones that are written to just tell you what is on their mind and why. The artsy fartsy ones are great too, don't get me wrong; everything in life has a purpose. Without the recipe builders and the photo collagiers, and the crafty mccraftersons of the world there would be less to choose from, less pinterest, less good food, good photos, less good. But, for me, I love to read the people who just take over the page with their personality and witty Outlook on life. (I also love that my phone thinks their witty Outlook is a Microsoft program hence it auto corrected my capitalization....and so it shall stay that way)

Yes, I just wrote a blog about blogs. But I can't seem to fall asleep and since I was reading and felt happy, it made sense to put it on paper(?). So, put that in your pipe and smoke it. :)

How do you turn off your brain?
~M

P.S. Jason and I are going to do the Warrior Dash in April. It should be a blast. We are pretty excited about it, and most of all I will get to cross off one of the things on my list of things to do before I turn 35....although, come to think of it, my list is a little slim....I still need several things to add to it. I should add, adding more things to my list, to my list.

Once more into the gray.

Lately I've started to question my apparent need to cleanse my life of "people". It is weird, it is random, and it is starting to make me feel like I could have a problem.

Here's how it works. I comment, e-mail, or otherwise contact them and they ignore me. Several things could be happening. Either they are busy, they don't get the message right away, or they don't feel like responding....whichever the case may be, I get annoyed. I start feeling like why do I even bother keeping in contact with them? Clearly I am either a nuisance or I am just not that important to them; and so I delete them: from my phone, from social networking, and from my life. And then it happens: I feel bad. Obviously I want them in my life, or they would have never been there to begin with. But I am so deranged that if I'm not important enough to warrant a simple reply then piss on them. But I don't really feel that way. I want them there, I just want THEM to also want me there.
And then there is me: perfect in every way. I always respond to people, try to include them, make them feel like they are important in MY life.....or do I? Chances are I do the same exact thing for various reasons to the ones I love. Why is it that I cannot seem to stop wearing my heart on my sleeve? I am sad, because over the past year or so I have weeded out people. Sure, some of them were toxic and needed to go, but some of them were people I care about. I wish I weren't so black and white. Sometimes gray is good too.
Note to self: learn to have PATIENCE with people. Then one day when I need them to show me the same considerations, they will.
~M
P.S. all I can hear in my head right now is that song....goes something like: I want you to want me. I need you to need me. ....although not in that exact way.... LOL

I digress...

Do you ever wish you could screams at the top of your lungs for as long as you voice would allow you too? Not that you need to be heard, but more that you need a release. Of course punching someone in the nose would suffice, but that is beside the point.
I had one of THOSE days today. Not that anyone DID anything wrong, they just also didn't DO anything right either. It is the days like this when no amount of chocolate will help. These days are best spent alone. I was decidedly NOT alone today.
Jason says that only women complain about the stuff I was mulling over with him. He then mentions a scenario where he would come home and complain to me in a similar fashion. Really? What made him think that playing Devil's Advocate was a good idea tonight? I feel he could have just as easily told me to get over it. Not that my complaints were even directed towards him.
Yes, punching someone in the nose tonight would have definitely sufficed! LOL
I gotta get a hobby; something I can pour myself into for hours without having to think too hard.
~M
P.S. I want to go back to being a blonde. I keep saying in June, but maybe the sooner, the better. I could definitely use a change of pace.

Current Frustration...

I'm having a woe is me moment.  It'll pass, to be sure. However, since I haven't blogged in some time and I'm currently all alone in my home and have given up on my favorite past time I decided to blog about this.

I'm frustrated with PEOPLE.  I seldom ask for company, for help, or for anything really.  I try to be there when people need me.  I think I go out of my way to be helpful at work often to my own detriment.  However, people are on my last nerve.

In the last few weeks I have been available to people who are NEVER available to me when I need them.   And the worst part to me is this, not only do they only come around when THEY need something, it is like they are also ungrateful about it when I try to be of assistance.

How's this right:  every time I go out of my way to be there for this one particular friend she is ALWAYS too busy to answer, and when she does answer it is very short and sweet almost like I'm bothering her.  So, I figure she must be too busy for me, I stop bothering her.  The instant I go away and leave her alone, she wants to know what is wrong with ME?  Why don't I talk to her anymore...wth?  I'm like are you nuts?

Then there's the people who come to me ONLY when they want something.  Never do I hear from them just because they LIKE my company.  Nope, it's for help.  The friend who hangs out with other friends but when she needs comfort and advice and is depressed she actually says:  I knew I could talk to you about this--yes, you can.  But you can also talk to me about how life is treating you good and we can joke and go shopping together and have FUN!  What a concept!!!

I have one friend that I used to call constantly, I LOVE this person, she was always there for me and to be fair she really still is.  However, I switched to Sprint and she has Verizon and it sucks because now I can't talk to her as much.  We have started to drift apart, not because I don't think about her and love her and hope nothing but good things to happen for her, but because she has 450 mins a month and we are not on the same network....how sad is that?!

Jason has been at work all day long, he has the truck, I could take the bus "somewhere" I suppose, but it's not exactly the time of year to be out in the crowds.  So, here it is:  6:00pm and I'm all alone with nothing to do, and have been all day long.  I have no cable and the house is clean.  So, here I am, sitting here in the dark ready to scream.  To be fair, it was light when I started this and only now has it gotten dark in here and I'm just being too lazy to get my happy ass up and turn on the lights but still...the fact is that I'm sitting here alone in the dark.

I don't have kids, I have animals.  And for all you people out there that have kids and talk incessantly (I'm not complaining, just saying) about your kids, think for one moment what it would be like for you without those kids when all your friends and family have kids.  You wouldn't fit into that same "kids club".  And you wouldn't think to call that friend who has kids because you don't want to bother them or add to their plate because their hands are full. So, you find yourself often with a younger crowd of friends.  Only with that younger crowd it's like an older high school but now I don't fit in anymore because I'm "old" to them.  Instead, I don't fit in with anyone.  When my nephew lived with me, it was like seeing behind a curtain, and people wanted to have play dates and be around me to get the kids together.

I miss having FRIENDS.  I miss my old girlfriends from home.  I miss always having something to do and someone to call.  I miss having people in my life who like being around me, and not just when they need something or are having a problem.  But then, I suppose, with age comes responsibility--so on an importance level I am LOW on the totem pole in comparison to kids and family.  I get it, but it doesn't make it easier to be in my shoes.  It would be nice to get a call from someone, just because they enjoy my company and wanted to spend time with me, and not just because they are depressed because their husband cheated, or their child got arrested, or their boyfriend isn't doing what they want him to do, or it's a birthday, or holiday--although I love being there for those things too. 

The only person who calls me regularly because he loves and misses me is Jason.  He's the only one in my life who enjoys spending time with me just because.  So yes, he is my best friend, and yes I choose to spend time with him above going to bars, but he does the same for me and without needing any reason:  "just cause".   But that doesn't mean I can't go to coffee, or to lunch, or occasionally to dinner with a friend, I can and I will. 

I'm done complaining now.  I just needed someone to hear me out...

We're moving!

Yay! We got approved for our lil' abode! :) (of course) We are set to move into our cute lil townhome on the 27th!  I couldn't be more excited!!

That's all. Just wanted to jump for joy!!  I'm currently battling insomnia due to the constant ticker tape  of ideas racing through my brain. Sofa goes here, new paint goes there,wicker basket for blankets, etc etc etc.  I don't recall a time I've ever been so excited to move into a new place.  I was stoked when me and Mom got an apt together but it was a different kind of stoked. I know that I will miss mom tremendously but the great news is she's just up the road about 5 mins away!!  :)   Yay!!   Ok, securing the happiness....drinking my tension tamer tea....sweet dreams await!
~M

Tension Tamer

I'm suppressing the urge to act like Tarzan.....AaaiiiaaaeeeaaiiaaaeeaaaiiiaaeeeaaaaoooO


What I wouldn't give to go zip lining right about...now!

I am adding that to my list of things to do before 35.  Must go zip lining, preferably in some tropical forest...I have a need for authenticity at the moment.

I picture God putting his feet up on the ol' Celestial Ottoman, throwing back a cup of Celestial Seasonings *ahhh*, tuning into channel Earth, and having a good laugh.  I reckon he would have a deep laugh, starting out slowly and turning into a roaring thunderous chuckle:  very masculine, very God-like.

~M

P.S. I think I'll watch Tuck Everlasting now...it's been in the Netflix queue for a while.  It is time.  :)

Serving up some humble pie...

Is there seriously something wrong with me?

Saturday I went to a going away party for a guy that works with Jason.  I had a blast.  I enjoyed laughing and cutting up with everyone there and to my knowledge I was well received.

Today Jason went to work and his female coworker said to him: "she's (me) a lot of fun."  Jason said to his female coworker: "yea but she can be a real smart ass."  To which his coworker said:  "you're a smart ass too, big deal".  He says:  "yea but she can be a REAL smart ass"  She said: "no it was all good, we laughed, cut up and had a good time."

Ok, so one of two things just happened.  Either he was editing what she really said about me or he was making excuses for me where none were needed.  I mean, if even the man who loves me feels he has to make excuses for my "bad behavior" then maybe I should consider going to "charm school".  I thought I got along well with everyone there.  I made friends with another coworker's wife, even exchanged phone numbers with her and we're now FB friends...I mean really once you solidify a friendship with FB it's official...right?!  Jeez, this is just too much for my tiny little brain to process.  I say things, often without thinking.  But if I thought I was offensive in anyway it would really bother me until I said I'm sorry and made you hear how truly upset I was about it.  And ANYONE who has ever had me genuinely angry at them can attest that there is a DISTINCT difference in me being flip and me being hateful.

There must be something wrong with either me or Tucson.  I have never (to my knowledge) experienced this before.  But since I moved to Arizona I've had a difficult time making lasting friendships.  I admit I can be somewhat of a flake especially here recently.  But it's not like I flake on lunch or coffee, just a night out drinking.  But, being that I'm not a big "drinker" I'm not sure why this comes as some huge surprise.  If I asked you to go skiing and you don't like how you feel the next day, you'd probably go once in a while because you have fun occasionally doing it, but since you're not a professional and don't do it all the time, you probably don't feel like walking much the next day.  Cut to me, a day after drinking, feels like I've hit the slopes AND every tree on the way down.  But, I'll take one for the team here and there, and I'll do it with a smile on my face and have fun while I'm at it, but don't get pissed when I bail the other 38 times.  Just like when I ask you to go to the movies and you hate watching movies or can't get a sitter I won't get mad.  Give and take, is that too hard to ask for in a friend?  I apparently fail at one or both of those qualities and add in my smart ass comments it's too much to bear.

Seems odd to me that the people I grew up with seem to think I'm funny but to my own boyfriend I'm just a big smart ass....maybe they just humor me...or maybe I've just been lied to my entire life....

**Cheers to my friends from P'cola**  Thanks for the laughs. I'm genuinely sorry if you ever found me to be insulting, although I hope and I pray that I'm just misunderstood HERE and you all truly did just "get me". 

If you need me, I'll be in the corner licking my wounds and eating some humble pie.  Confidence is good, apparently I've been confused.  *blow my head off*

~M

P.S.  **static**

Note from the editor:
Since writing this blog I have spoken with Jason about his need to excuse my sense of humor before it came into question.  He said that he didn't mean to hurt my feelings but that he was trying to be helpful "in case" I just so happened to have accidentally said something which was taken the wrong way.  Although I still heard an insult hidden inside his explanation, I tried to hear where he was coming from.  According to him: "most females do not say whatever witty thing pops into their head, that is something a guy would do." Which is clearly evidenced by this explanation as most women realize when they are eating their foot for lunch and decide to STOP TALKING.  I have decided to take all of this as a compliment.  He wants them to like me.  He just has a funny way of showing it! *groan*

Trivial Pursuits

I'm not quite sure when exactly the tradition of the "fun facts" started, yet sometime in the past year or so Jason started bringing home fun facts from work.  Along with the fun facts there would be a few trivia questions to answer.  The first time he brought them over it was just me and him going through them.  But on the 2nd or 3rd batch my mom happened to be home when he brought them out to read.  Mom instantly fell in love with the fun facts and so the tradition began.  Here and there whenever she is off in the evening and we all eat together, she'll start asking Jason for them.  Mom:  Fun facts!  Where are the fun facts? I waaaaant fun facts!

About once or twice a month Jason will produce a pile of papers with said trivia and fun facts--prompting my mom to nickname Jason:  Facts Man.  Feel free to run with this in your head!  Example 1: Dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner FACTS MAAAN!  Yes, along with the hours of fun the the facts gave came the hours of fun talking about how fun my (Example 2:) Man of the Facts is.  

And so tonight was no different from any other night of fun facts.  We had Lemon Herb Chicken Helper w/Mixed Veggies followed by chants of:  Fun facts!  Where are the fun facts? I waaaaant fun facts! :)  Jason dug up some trivia of the day and so the fun began. After about 8 or 9 trivia questions mom was on a roll getting most of them right.  We were all laughing and carrying on having so much fun <facts>.   

The event that took place on or about question number 10 is the reason I am now sharing all of this with you!  Do you recall in my last post where I talked about my willingness to sing badly and the great joy it brings to me?  Well, here you go: 

Following the plane crash of 19xx marked our country's "day the music died".  Which artists were killed in this crash?   

All I heard was "day the music died" uh huh! Youuuu guessed it:

"I started singin'

 So, bye-bye, Miss American Pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee
But the levee was dry
And them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye
Singin' this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die"

As I started belting this out (LOUDLY), mom joined in and illustrated.  It went a lil something like this:

Mom: waving hand with big waves.  Me: So, bye-bye Miss American Pie

Mom: Hands at 10 and 2 "driving".  Me: drove my Chevy

Mom: pointing at the invisible levee  Me: to the levee

Mom: holding her hand up like where is it?  Me: but the levee was dry

Mom: tipping her hand up like a bottle  Me: them good ol' boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye

Mom: pointing a gun to her head  Me: singin this'll be the day that I die

Mom: again with the gun and some rolled eyes playing dead  Me: ooooh this'lllll be the daaaaay that I diiiiiiiie...

If this wasn't enough, after we did this once Jason proceeded to try to read the available answers.  Immediately mom started waving again.  Needless to say I joined in; we did the entire routine again ending it in peals of laughter.  Jason was just sitting there watching the entire spectacle, completely unphased by it all.  Afterwards we just went right back to answering the question.  I am sure going to miss nights like these come the end of July when me and mom part ways. *tear*

~M  

P.S.  After taking it "easy" on our workout regime the past two weeks we have renewed our diligence.  Yesterday we picked up where we left off...*groan*.  I feel I may have turned into a chocolate bunny after all.  NO MORE EASTER CANDY FOR ME---EVER!!! ;)

 
 
 

I love you P.S.

I have a friend who likes to remind me, pretty much every time I see her, of how very OLD I am.  Which to me is kinda funny since I'm only 5 years older than she is.  For me, age becomes more and more irrelevant the older I get. Secretly I wait for the day when she hits the "dirty thirty" so I can plot my revenge, complete with black balloons, black cake, and black candles. *evil laugh*

Although no one likes to be reminded of their inadequacies, I find it particularly irritating when someone brings up a topic that is not only out of my control but is also the inevitable.  Truly--aging beats the hell out of the alternative! ;) Besides, perfection is boring and over rated--I mean, even diamonds are unique because of their flaws.  So, since I've recently realized that I have the tendency to rant more than rave, I shall treat you to some of my favorite underwhelming "qualities" about myself. :)

I am klutzy.  I tend to run into things, spill things--fumble them if you will.  Sugar coat it however you like, but overall, I am not a graceful person.  In saying that: I LOVE to dance; as much as I love to dance, I am equally awkward at it. Reminds me of the cheer in Buffy the Vampire Slayer:  "How funky is your chicken? How funky is your chicken? How loose is your goose? Our goose is totally loose! So come on all you Hog fans, so come on all you Hog fans and shake your caboose, and shake your caboose! WHoooO!" So uh yea, it's bad!  Doesn't stop me from shakin' my caboose though! Nope nope--I'm in like Flynn!


I love to sing--preferably at the top of my lungs, but just loud in general works too.  I find it is best to miss as many notes as possible; I also like to give myself bonus points for inventing "new" lyrics.   
"There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead;
When she was good, she was very, very good,
And when she was bad she was horrid."
Cut to me: all good at being bad and horrid! ;)  I think that if you're going to be bad at something you enjoy doing, then you may as well enjoy doing it badly...but that's just me.  My ex used to tell me: "Mags, you are NOT the next American Idol".  Well no shit Sherlock; what was your first clue?  When I wasn't standing in a long line to audition? Hmmm:   "Curiouser and curiouser!"
Thankfully Jason loves to hate my singing; he is fantastic at coming up with funny lyrics. Together, we spit lyrical poetry and freestyle to a funky fresh beat...ya feel me?! ah ha!:)

Viola, there they are folks:  two of my favorite worst qualities. :)  I'm sure there are many to choose from, but these two are keepers!  Yes, I shall cherish my lack of rhythm and tone deafness until the hip bone connected to the leg bone degenerates from my OLD self and my Def Jams go platinum.


~M

P.S.  I thought of the perfect P.S. earlier when I started this whole blog and now I've forgotten it! Grrr!  The P.S. is kind of like my thing.  Like the abrupt subject change which in conversation would sound something like:  Not to change the subject, but....

Collective thoughts...

Having not posted since, yea, sorry, too lazy to go back and look, you're on your own with this one well, since my last post, I have quite a bit o' info to go through.  And since it's already past my bedtime I shall try to do my best to not only have this all make sense but to touch on all bases in my brain I think I just inadvertently shorted myself in the smarts department.  Note to self, don't blog past the bedtime, it makes you look dumb.

I have decided it is now time to fly the coup.  Following the expiration of my joint lease with my mom, I shall be moving into a place without my parental unit.  Have I mentioned that I hate apartment hunting? So on Saturday me and Jason went shopping for an apartment.  I was having an allergic reaction complete with swollen eye socket, itchy red eyes, sneezing, runny nose...well, you get the picture.  Did I mention my eye socket was swollen?  Literally the inside part of my eye was swelling so you could then see it on the outside of said eye.  I was freaking out.  Jason was sitting politely at the desk of some leasing agent while I went to the bathroom to investigate the extent of my allergic reaction.  After washing my face and taking a Claritin, I went and interrupted him as he was acting interested in said complex.  All I could think about was the possibility that I would have a huge eye socket and/or temporary blindness.  Me: in complete freak out mode.  Jason:  cool, calm and collected, asking the leasing agent about the property.  Me:  realizing that this could only be the result of an allergy to apartment hunting, I now needed to vacate the premises immediately.
This apartment complex which seemed oh so PERFECT in its website was truly a GHETTO in hind sight. Though we did manage to find two places that were more to our liking that day, so we shall see.  Sadly I realize that not only do I hate apartment hunting, but I am now convinced I'm also allergic to it as well. :)

I hate the rumor mill; I also love the rumor mill.  I guess what I really like is being informed.  I am not a fan of having no clue what is going on around me, unless it is something that will stress me out and then I'd rather not know.  So long as I know the important things and/or that which is pertaining to me, I am happy and blissfully ignorant to the day to day drama of others.  That being said: I hate the rumor mill, especially when my name is being thrown around in it.   
Today I spoke to a girl who has given her resignation notice at work.  She decided to inform me of things that I'd rather have been blissfully ignorant of about myself.  Not that they were opinions about me, no no, that would've been easier to shrug off.  After all, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.  Instead she told me things that she "knew" about me as they were told to her by another.  The person who told her these things is a girl I use the term girl VERY loosely, this female is anything but a girl.  In fact, you could mistake her for a Linebacker.  She is NOT lady like, and she is certainly NOT one of the FEW kind people I work with.  I find that she is manipulative, vicious, and evil.   Quite frankly if she got hit by a bus tomorrow I would not mourn the loss of her presence upon the earth.  I might even go as far as to say to the world: Happy Cinco de Mayo World! Yes, I realize that I am not being kind here either, but she has been a <forget the thorn, she's more like tire spikes the police throw down> in the flesh since I've met her. Sorry, but I just cannot always be nice. that I do not get along with.  I made the mistake of being nice to her when I first started at my job and we became friends.  Shortly after I became friends with her, I realized the error in my judgment.  Too late, as I now have a bulls eye on my forehead.  She loves to target me with trash talking and truly any way she can put me down or make me feel incompetent she does and will.  I also realized a few months ago that when I stopped confiding in Ms. Diva Gotti that everything between me and Ms. Linebacker started to calm down.  What I didn't realize until today that there are things I told said Ms. Diva Gotti about my personal life that she relayed back to Ms. Linebacker.  Ms. Diva Gotti led me to believe that she despised Ms. Linebacker.  It never even occurred to me that she would have a need to divulge things I'd told her in confidence--ESPECIALLY about my personal life.  But when I heard it all chewed up and puked back out to me today, it had been twisted into a whole new life form.  It vaguely resembled the truth, but juuuust barely.  It was more like a based on a true story movie where they take "liberties" with the details.  It is taking everything in my power to not go ballistic on Ms. Diva Gotti.  I think that it helps that I'm pretty sure saying something to her will not only NOT do any good, but she is seriously one scary gangsta female.  She has a way of being oh so sweet and charming when she needs/wants something, but pee yourself scary when she hates you.  This is yet another reason why most employers now do criminal background checks and rule out people with violent crimes in their pasts!  Let this be a lesson boys and girls:  Do not play with the felons on the playground!  When someone gets hurt, it will most likely be a life threatening injury rather than a boo boo.  Just a helpful tip, from me to you! 

Yesterday was our "listen with your hearts" mumbo jumbo meeting.  I cannot tell you how fun it was.  *dripping with sarcasm*  The leader lady made us put our feet flat on the floor, close our eyes, and invoke thoughts of calmness, blah blah blah...to be honest she lost me the moment she said for me to put my feet floor, I tend to wanna be curled up with my feet in the chair.  But when she said invoke, all I could do was think: are we doing a seance? My saving grace was two-fold.  I not only got paired up with the one person I truly LOVE at my job but we also were short a third person in our group.  *You win!*  She even helped me clear up a few doubts I had bouncing around in my head about my upcoming move.   I'm fairly certain we didn't do the exercise properly, however, I feel like I still got something out of the hour and a half because of her wisdom.   When it was time to do a third rotation, I had the genius idea that we should observe others since we'd both shared and listened but hadn't had the "opportunity" to observe...truly I just didn't feel like faking the funk of participation any longer and I was pretty sure we were both on the same page in that...however, I didn't predict that the leader lady would split us up and have us both watch different single group.  I thought we'd just kinda be looking around the room at all the groups.  *my bad*

My new group's "sharer" went on and on for 7 minutes about his love of prayers, meditation, burning sage, fishing, hunting, kickboxing the stars around in the galaxy, the afterlife, hugging the trees in the redwood forest, blah blah blah...see also he's full of ka ka poo poo. And my favorite part?  After the entire thing was done and the lady leader asked for feedback our groups' little Rainbow Bright (aka Blue #2 from the fire drill) piped up to say:  "Well, I tend to get bored easily.  So for me, the challenge was to listen and not let my mind wander when my sharer was sharing.  I tend to lose track after a few seconds and go off in my own little train of thought"....REALLY?  Because for someone who is SO interesting that you bore quickly of others, you sure made me want to slit my wrists after 7 minutes of listening to you ramble on.  I mean come on man!  *rolling my eyes*  The light at the end of this long dark tunnel?  Our last meeting will be on May 17th.  *yippee kai yay!* 

~M

P.S.  Went to see Something Borrowed last night with my girl Kristin--LOVED IT!!  Such a cute movie! :)

One bad nugget...

Spoils the Blog! Thbbbt!

They say imitation is the highest form of flattery...When I find these "they" people, whoever THEY are, I am going to organize an ambush, abduct their leader and feed the rest to the alligators.  Commie B-tards!  Trouble makers I tell ya, trouble! <insert me bursting into song: "I hear ya got trouble, right here in River City, With a capital T which rhymes with P and stands for Pool">...*sigh* That makes twice in two days I have had show tunes running through my head.  Clearly I am aging! 
And now: back to the blogcast! 
But, I would rather just have someone say: "hey, nice shirt!", instead of going out and buying the exact same shirt to wear around.  Seriously, think back to the last time you went to <fill in the appropriate gathering of your choice: e.g., school, work, church, etc> and you and Suzy Snowflake had on the exact same colors.

Ok ok ok people, settle down! Since you twisted my arm, YES!, I will draw a mental picture for you!
You have on a light blue shirt and jeans, S.S. has on a slightly different light blue shirt and jeans.  All day long, when you and S.S. happen to be in the same vicinity of each other Mr. Obvious Guy says: "Hey, you and Suzy have on the same outfit!  Did you call each other before coming to <fill in the appropriate gathering of your choice: e.g., school, work, church, etc> today?!"  Yes, of course I did! Duh! Don't you do that a couple times a month?  You know, after having done all your laundry the night before, you now have ALL your wardrobe sitting there looking back at you; you reach for your favorite outfit but juuust before you take the hanger off the rack you pause and go: wait, I think I am forgetting something.  What was it? Oh, yes! I remember now, I must call that Suzy and make sure she did laundry last night too!  I would hate for Mr. Obvious Guy to have absolutely NOTHING to say to me.  *Kudos to me for giving Mr. Obvious Guy an icebreaker. Good deed for the day? Check!

But have you ever gotten the distinct impression that someone is copying you?  I don't mind when someone I hang around with frequently picks up on styles and/or habits, that is always going to happen; I'm not talking about that.  No, I'm talking about someone you barely know at all; you have contact with said person, just not much interaction.  This person seems quirky cool fun, until you realize that your ideas, thoughts, styles, fill in the blanks keep cropping up in their work.  But it's not like they say:  "Hey Mr. Big Boss Man, Willy Wonka over there told me about this Chocolate Factory that makes great chocolates--he said I should try having some with my almonds at lunchtime. I tried it and YUM!  I would like to see if they would be interested in creating a chocolate with almonds."  Nope, instead they say:  "Hey Mr. Big Boss Man, there's this chocolate factory I've been looking into, I was hoping you'd be interested in helping me pitch them the idea of selling chocolate with almonds."  The resulting product is STILL a chocolate bar with almonds but yet here I am, also still driving my pinto. 

So, you tell me:  Would that make YOU feel flattered?   As for me?  Not so much!


~M


P.S.  We went to see Fast 5 last night (THANK YOU ASH!! You rock, as does Groupon for hosting a free viewing!).  Vin Diesel is a Hottie McNaughty!  But The Rock was oh so fly in his Extra Medium shirt! *stssss* I go shower now...  <insert seal of approval here>  Go see this one!!  Great action and great, well, action! ;)

The Over Share...

With all the social networking available at our fingertips urging everyone to update their status or tell us what is on their minds I can't help but notice a widespread phenomenon I like to call: the over share.

Yes, we've all been guilty of an over share from time to time. In a weak moment when our better judgment lapses and we spout off about things better left unsaid. This lapse in judgment however, would then be considered diarrhea of the mouth (or text). I am guilty of this from time to time. Often when I get put in an uncomfortable situation or am flustered, I will ramble on in circles trying to dig myself out. Inevitably in these moments I end up saying all the wrong things, divulge all the wrong information, and leave out the one sentence I had intended on saying. No no, I'm talking about the repeat offenders here. You know who they are, lurking around on every news feed, some of them you have even hid permanently. But, for those of you who do not recognize yourself in the mirror, I am going to do you a favor. I am going to give you a few examples of what is appropriate vs what is an over share.

Example A:

Appropriate:  Dr. Finklestein, I have been having troubles with my IBS again. *groan* I cannot seem to make it through an entire day without running to the bathroom every 30 minutes. I think I'm getting dehydrated. Is there something you can give me to make it stop?! Please help!!

Over share:  Dear Facebook/Twitter/Myspace/Social Networking Website friends and family: I went to Dr. Finklestein's office today to get a check up on my IBS. After having to excuse myself from several meetings the day before due to the rumbly in my tummbly, I just HAD to find some relief. Thankfully he put me on some new meds. Hopefully I will get this urge to poo under control. Please Pray!!

Example B:

Appropriate:  Best friend A to best friend B: How's everything going with you these days? B to A: Good. Well, except for this rash I keep getting on my arm. I've been putting lotion on it but it doesn't seem to want to clear up. Oh and Tommy didn't take the kids to school today so of course I was running late and blah blah blah blah blah....

Over share:  Lady at the cash register to friend B: How's everything going with you these days? B to Lady: Good. Well, except for this rash I keep getting on my arm. I've been putting lotion on it but it doesn't seem to want to clear up. Oh and Tommy didn't take the kids to school today so of course I was running late and blah blah blah blah blah....


Example C:

Appropriate:   Dear Facebook/Twitter/Myspace/Social Networking Website friends and family: I am having such a bad day!!! *fume* Somebody please cheer me up, I could use a lil love right now.

Over share:   Dear Facebook/Twitter/Myspace/Social Networking Website friends and family: The dumb ***** Cindy called Tommy today...again. I told Tommy to block her phone number, but noo!!

Jane's relationship status has been changed to single.

-----10 likes

-----5 comments telling Jane she is too good for that no good cheating Tommy anyways.

3 Hour lapse in time:

Dear Facebook/Twitter/Myspace/Social Networking Website friends and family: I just love Tommy soooo much, he is just the most amazing man ever!! That Cindy can go kick rocks!

Jane is now in a relationship with Tommy.

-----10 likes

-----5 comments from the same 5 friends trying to smooth everything over from having Jane's back.

My point? Ahem...well, if you can't figure it out, then I'm probably talking about you. ;)

Happy Tuesday Peeps! Hope everyone is over their sugar overdose from Sunday!
~M

P.S. Blue Man Group is in Tucson this weekend!! Guess who got her man tickets for his b-day?? Uh huh, That's right!! This girl right here!! Woot Woot! :)

Weekend Review

Friday night was a fright night indeed!  Scream 4 was scary and fun all at the same time; Insidious just gives me the chills.  I was ok on Friday night, probably because I was so tired by the time my head hit the pillow that I fell asleep immediately.  Last night, however, was an entirely different story.  I kept having "insidious" images pop into my head--flashbacks of the dead.  Ick.  I'm not so sure I should even be writing about this so close to my sleepy time.  Double Ick!

I went to watch my nephew's trap shooting competition on Sat morning.  I have to admit, I was completely blown away.  This "little" (ha! He's 5' 9") 10 year old is the squad leader; he's not only better than his squad, but he's also 2 years younger than all of them AND about 2 feet taller!!  It was so cool to see him in his element.
He has grown taller since the last time I saw him (which was about 2 months ago).  I asked him, when did that happen?  He goes:  April 5th!  I thought that was so funny, he knew exactly the day he'd grown half an inch!  He's such a cool kid; I can't wait to see what he does in the future.

Easter Sunday was very relaxing.  I didn't do anything I had planned to do.
Jason surprised me with an Easter basket full of my favorite addiction:  chocolate!  *groan*  I am certain I blew my diet out of the water this weekend.
He also made my mom a basket.  :) :)  She was so cute, like a kid sorting through it all. :)

Hmmmm, what else? Nope--guess that's it for now.  I'll just have to wait to see what my next rant or rave will be about.  Hope everyone had a Happy Easter!
~M

It's a thriller kind of night...

I realize that I have been "somewhat" on a soap box about a certain infidelity topic lately and I know it can be a real drag.  Here's what I'm willing to do for YOU!

In honor of Easter weekend, tonight me and Jason (Jason and I...whatev) are going to have a fright night. 

Jason LOVES scary movies.  He loves them so much that he can watch one right after another.  Why I have NO idea, but same/same. I do NOT love scary movies as I tend to scare fairly easily. Just yesterday at work, I came in and was putting away my things and MB (see also EXTREME introvert who writes, hikes,  and has 4 cats in a filthy house,  although I'm not sure why the filthy house part is an important detail--but, there you have it.) came around the partition all quietly like she is.  Having not heard her coming, I jumped out of my skin when she started talking.  Complete with shriek, heart palpitations, the whole shebang: I was scared!  And now I think MB should have to wear a bell around her neck at all times so I don't pee myself at work--just a suggestion. So, it is few and far between when I want to watch a scary movie.  In saying that, every October, I commit (ok so maybe it's only been 1 October so far, but I am committed to his love of Halloween) to watching all of the Halloweens and Nightmare on Elm Streets and pretty much any scary movie that is out in theaters from Sept to Oct.  I have to say, it takes a toll on my nervous system, I sometimes even have nightmares because of them (in particular, the week after we saw the movie: The Crazies, I had some really bad dreams...I digress, and no I won't just go back and delete said digression.  It's there because I'm like a rabbit in my thought process, always changing directions, but at some point I get there so since the point is coming, just wait for it!) :)
At any rate, Jason loves watching scary movies with me.  He doesn't get scared typically, however when I jump out of the seat or scream it gives him a scare too.  It's like a bonus, he loves the movies, loves watching movies with me, loves getting scared, and loves seeing my reactions.  So, since I am a super trooper, I psych myself up for these moments and take one for the team. 

Tonight we are going to see a double feature.  We will be watching Insidious and Scream 4.  I'm nervous, but the good news is, Sunday is Easter.  I will have thoughts of Resurrection, Bunnies, Chocolates, and Colored Eggs to get me through. (not sure exactly why I capitalized all of those--but I did.)
T.G.I.F!!  Ya'll have a great weekend!! :)
~M
P.S. I didn't have time to proof read this because I have a movie extravaganza to attend so please overlook my grammatical errors! :)

Eye of the...Pitt Bull?...ahem

Females:  scandalous, manipulative creatures.  Beautiful to look at? Yes.  Nurturing?  Absolutely.  Willing to sink their teeth into your throat to protect what is theirs? Without a doubt, YES!
I am aware there are ladies out there who conduct themselves as such.  But even the classiest of ladies will turn into a tiger when pushed to their limit; after all, they don't call it a cat fight for no reason.
I have that killer instinct inside my Self; a primal urge to rip the jowls off a person for stepping on my terrain.  Sometimes I hate when it rears its ugly head, but recently I've come to appreciate the beast within--and here's why:

Not long ago, I had the misfortune to realize an affair was happening within my office.  A married man and an (IMHO) unstable female began lying to everyone in the office in order to sneak off together for an hour or so here and there.  This man was someone I respected; I thought him to be a family man.  This unstable female was someone I didn't understand, yet liked.


The other day I had an experience where someone did something to me that was seemingly harmless yet extremely offensive.  I feel there is a line which should not be crossed in relationships.  It is my opinion that when two people of the opposite sex are both in relationships with other people, out of mutual respect for all parties involved, it is best to abstain from any activity that could be wrongly perceived; e.g, going out alone together without their partners.  To me, it's not a matter of trust but of respect.  Jason trusts me, but out of respect for him, I choose to refrain from behavior that could be misinterpreted.  So, when this experience happened to me, I was over the top upset with her about it.  When talking to Jason about how I felt about this female, he tried to be the devil's advocate and show me a differenct perspective.  I tried to see his side; yet no matter which angle I saw if from, I could still find the fault.  Here is why:

This man and woman, Optimus Prime and Ms. Firedrill from the fire drill, were friends.  Eventually, they began texting; which led to private conversations; which led to time spent alone; which led to where they are today.  Something that starts out innocently can very easily become something else given the right (or wrong, depending on how you word it) situation presents itself.  It is unsettling to watch something like this play out in front of your eyes.  But it is devastating to experience the very same thing happening to you. 

For me it was a reminder that love is a gift not a right; it is to be savored and cherished.  In doing so we must remember that like a tiger cub, love must be cared for.  It must be nurtured, fed, and protected.  
And like a mama tiger, I am ready (and willing) to pounce on anything/anyone which I perceive as a threat to survival and/or those I love.  Jason says I'm actually more like a Pitt Bull...eh, potato/potato.


I have come to the realization:  we are all humanimals (see also Magnetisms) with survival instincts.  Our fight or flight mechanism is genetically predisposed.  
While I do not have the instincts to go for Ms. Firedrill's throat, I cannot help but be disgusted by them both. 

I thank God for sending me the very best friend I've ever had.  Yes, we've had our share of struggles.  But we are a work in progress.  Each day we are given together, I cherish my relationship with Jason more; I will protect it; I will make neither excuses nor apologies for doing so.


I love my girlfriends; I have a few that I can trust and for them I am grateful.  Without asking, I know that each of them feel the exact same way that I do about this very same subject.  It is because we share the same protective boundaries that we have maintained our friendship throughout the years.  Through thick and thin, no matter the argument, we've come through it all.  They are females, they are vicious, they are beautiful, and I love them.


So, to my besties:  thank you for all that you've done for me.  You are the reasons I do not instantly hate all women.
~M
P.S.  Of course, the women in my family helped too! ;)

Highway to the Danger Zone...

Have you ever started reading a blog but then later realized you had reader's remorse?
Reader's remorse is like buyer's remorse, but no money was harmed during the reading of said blog; just time spent which you can't get back from your life.

Tonight I did what I tend to always do when I get sucked into the vortex also known as the world wide web, which is:  waste hours of my life I can no longer have back.  I have this addictive little (ha, see also big) personality.  Sometimes it's chocolate, farmville, or cityville, but lately it's been perusing the web for little nuggets of bloggy bliss.  I would just like to say that tonight was an epic FAIL!

I did however, finally find my fix.  In a bizarre twist of links I found a website where people advertise their blogs.  I clicked on this one that I thought would be an interesting read (to which I say this: you can't judge a book by its cover nor a blog by it's title).  What I found instead was a series of surveys followed by what appeared to be a numbered list of blog links at the bottom of her page.  Mainly because under the list of links was a box that mentioned typing in your blog's site and getting listed, blah blah blah irrelevant I realize--except for the fact I like to cram every tiny morsel into just about everything  I'd come this far already so, I clicked on one of the links and--how weird--it was her exact same blog but in a different 'setting'.  Bear with me I'm getting to the point   BUT! On the side bar of this particular link was this:  30 things to do before I turn 30 subsequently followed by said list.  I was inspired!  So, dun dun dun dah!  I give you:  35 things to do before I turn 35!  This is like the bucket list on steroids. *Genius*  Who wants to think about things they should do before dying?  Not this girl, nope nope! I mean truly it all comes before the end anyways, so why focus on the minute details?! I will be considering all suggestions given from outside input so:  suggest away!  
~M

P.S. A few things to keep in mind:  I do not enjoy public humiliation or nudity and since I've already sewn more than my fair share of wild oats, criminal activities would be frowned upon. I'm not looking to push my luck just my comfort zone!

What's the dill, pickle?

Today at work we had a mandatory staff meeting.  The meeting was to introduce this "communications expert" who would be conducting 2 seminars/classes/meetings/whatev on how to effectively communicate, both of which are mandatory.

In our lil meet and greet we went around the room and introduced ourselves one by one.  I really detest doing the round table sort of thing, it makes me squirm by the way.  I'm all for putting my two cents in.  I love giving my unsolicited opinion in an open discussion setting where I know most or all the people present.  However, to be put on the spot and know that your turn is coming, it's unnerving to me.  I get performance anxiety--hoping I don't stutter or mishmash my words all around.
Once we'd all been introduced the lady began her schpeal.  She informed us that in the next two sessions we'd be learning how to "listen with our hearts".  Ok, am I the only person who just threw up a lil?  Out of all the people I work with there are only a handful I genuinely like let alone trust, and you want my heart to be where my ears can barely tolerate?

But, ok...I'll bite...what's the hook?  Homework.  We have each been given a copy of a book to read.  The title?  Well, I'm glad you asked!  The Power of Kindness:  The unexpected benefits of leading a compassionate life
REALLY??

CUT!  Ok, here's where I have to interject with my opinions and thoughts.  There are about 3 maybe 5 (so figure actually 4) people aside from myself....of course... hehe at my job who could actually be accused of being kind.  I have NEVER in my life come across such a grossly isolated population of assholes in my life...ever!!  And believe me, I know a few assholes...I'm even related to some. 
So how can you expect to effectively alter the flow of energy in an office by teaching "listening with your heart" when most of these people are heartless?
I'd settle for listening with your ears followed by a healthy dose of mind your own business...but that's just me.

AND ACTION! So, I'll be interested to see where this workshop winds up.  Already the one person in the office most void of heart has asked if this is something he can read while at work.  He furthered to clarify that he doesn't work from home ever, and to him this is work and so consequently he would be most willingly do it while on the premises.  I thought my head boss lady was going to choke at the idea of paying someone to read a book on kindness. Ok, granted I'm sure at least half of the staff felt like they should get paid for reading a book (to clarify: this is not a short story, not a pamphlet, not a "Lil Golden Book"--no no, it's a full on book:  19 Chapters, 274 pages in all) they didn't choose to read for something they are required to participate in.  But how does someone tactfully say to their boss:  This book; the one here on kindness... yea, it's not something I'm interested in.  I wouldn't typically care anything about the topic, nor would I read it for fun/enjoyment.  So, since you are forcing me to read a book on kindness, can I do it while at work and on the clock?  And to me the best part of this interaction aside from the obvious discomfort on the head boss lady's face, was the answer she gave: Weelll, I'd raaather you nooot...buut, if you can manaaage to get allll your work dooone and not read in front of clients, I guuuueess.  Picture your mom telling you yes, but she really means no.  It was a Kodak moment for sure! (yes, I am old enough to remember a Kodak moment, but if you so happen to be young or dumb enough to point that out, then you're on your own. ;)  )
Although, in this stubborn, heartless, asshole's defense--were this book be about anything else save for kindness, he would've had (and truly still does have) a valid point. 

We reconvene on May 3rd.  I can't wait to share stories of our "trios of listeners, talkers, and observers".  Gag!
~M

 P.S. BTW, this is me being positive about this workshop.
uuuh huh!  I'm positive this concept is out of this population's reach!