I'm having a woe is me moment. It'll pass, to be sure. However, since I haven't blogged in some time and I'm currently all alone in my home and have given up on my favorite past time I decided to blog about this.
I'm frustrated with PEOPLE. I seldom ask for company, for help, or for anything really. I try to be there when people need me. I think I go out of my way to be helpful at work often to my own detriment. However, people are on my last nerve.
In the last few weeks I have been available to people who are NEVER available to me when I need them. And the worst part to me is this, not only do they only come around when THEY need something, it is like they are also ungrateful about it when I try to be of assistance.
How's this right: every time I go out of my way to be there for this one particular friend she is ALWAYS too busy to answer, and when she does answer it is very short and sweet almost like I'm bothering her. So, I figure she must be too busy for me, I stop bothering her. The instant I go away and leave her alone, she wants to know what is wrong with ME? Why don't I talk to her anymore...wth? I'm like are you nuts?
Then there's the people who come to me ONLY when they want something. Never do I hear from them just because they LIKE my company. Nope, it's for help. The friend who hangs out with other friends but when she needs comfort and advice and is depressed she actually says: I knew I could talk to you about this--yes, you can. But you can also talk to me about how life is treating you good and we can joke and go shopping together and have FUN! What a concept!!!
I have one friend that I used to call constantly, I LOVE this person, she was always there for me and to be fair she really still is. However, I switched to Sprint and she has Verizon and it sucks because now I can't talk to her as much. We have started to drift apart, not because I don't think about her and love her and hope nothing but good things to happen for her, but because she has 450 mins a month and we are not on the same network....how sad is that?!
Jason has been at work all day long, he has the truck, I could take the bus "somewhere" I suppose, but it's not exactly the time of year to be out in the crowds. So, here it is: 6:00pm and I'm all alone with nothing to do, and have been all day long. I have no cable and the house is clean. So, here I am, sitting here in the dark ready to scream. To be fair, it was light when I started this and only now has it gotten dark in here and I'm just being too lazy to get my happy ass up and turn on the lights but still...the fact is that I'm sitting here alone in the dark.
I don't have kids, I have animals. And for all you people out there that have kids and talk incessantly (I'm not complaining, just saying) about your kids, think for one moment what it would be like for you without those kids when all your friends and family have kids. You wouldn't fit into that same "kids club". And you wouldn't think to call that friend who has kids because you don't want to bother them or add to their plate because their hands are full. So, you find yourself often with a younger crowd of friends. Only with that younger crowd it's like an older high school but now I don't fit in anymore because I'm "old" to them. Instead, I don't fit in with anyone. When my nephew lived with me, it was like seeing behind a curtain, and people wanted to have play dates and be around me to get the kids together.
I miss having FRIENDS. I miss my old girlfriends from home. I miss always having something to do and someone to call. I miss having people in my life who like being around me, and not just when they need something or are having a problem. But then, I suppose, with age comes responsibility--so on an importance level I am LOW on the totem pole in comparison to kids and family. I get it, but it doesn't make it easier to be in my shoes. It would be nice to get a call from someone, just because they enjoy my company and wanted to spend time with me, and not just because they are depressed because their husband cheated, or their child got arrested, or their boyfriend isn't doing what they want him to do, or it's a birthday, or holiday--although I love being there for those things too.
The only person who calls me regularly because he loves and misses me is Jason. He's the only one in my life who enjoys spending time with me just because. So yes, he is my best friend, and yes I choose to spend time with him above going to bars, but he does the same for me and without needing any reason: "just cause". But that doesn't mean I can't go to coffee, or to lunch, or occasionally to dinner with a friend, I can and I will.
I'm done complaining now. I just needed someone to hear me out...
