Tension Tamer

I'm suppressing the urge to act like Tarzan.....AaaiiiaaaeeeaaiiaaaeeaaaiiiaaeeeaaaaoooO


What I wouldn't give to go zip lining right about...now!

I am adding that to my list of things to do before 35.  Must go zip lining, preferably in some tropical forest...I have a need for authenticity at the moment.

I picture God putting his feet up on the ol' Celestial Ottoman, throwing back a cup of Celestial Seasonings *ahhh*, tuning into channel Earth, and having a good laugh.  I reckon he would have a deep laugh, starting out slowly and turning into a roaring thunderous chuckle:  very masculine, very God-like.

~M

P.S. I think I'll watch Tuck Everlasting now...it's been in the Netflix queue for a while.  It is time.  :)

Serving up some humble pie...

Is there seriously something wrong with me?

Saturday I went to a going away party for a guy that works with Jason.  I had a blast.  I enjoyed laughing and cutting up with everyone there and to my knowledge I was well received.

Today Jason went to work and his female coworker said to him: "she's (me) a lot of fun."  Jason said to his female coworker: "yea but she can be a real smart ass."  To which his coworker said:  "you're a smart ass too, big deal".  He says:  "yea but she can be a REAL smart ass"  She said: "no it was all good, we laughed, cut up and had a good time."

Ok, so one of two things just happened.  Either he was editing what she really said about me or he was making excuses for me where none were needed.  I mean, if even the man who loves me feels he has to make excuses for my "bad behavior" then maybe I should consider going to "charm school".  I thought I got along well with everyone there.  I made friends with another coworker's wife, even exchanged phone numbers with her and we're now FB friends...I mean really once you solidify a friendship with FB it's official...right?!  Jeez, this is just too much for my tiny little brain to process.  I say things, often without thinking.  But if I thought I was offensive in anyway it would really bother me until I said I'm sorry and made you hear how truly upset I was about it.  And ANYONE who has ever had me genuinely angry at them can attest that there is a DISTINCT difference in me being flip and me being hateful.

There must be something wrong with either me or Tucson.  I have never (to my knowledge) experienced this before.  But since I moved to Arizona I've had a difficult time making lasting friendships.  I admit I can be somewhat of a flake especially here recently.  But it's not like I flake on lunch or coffee, just a night out drinking.  But, being that I'm not a big "drinker" I'm not sure why this comes as some huge surprise.  If I asked you to go skiing and you don't like how you feel the next day, you'd probably go once in a while because you have fun occasionally doing it, but since you're not a professional and don't do it all the time, you probably don't feel like walking much the next day.  Cut to me, a day after drinking, feels like I've hit the slopes AND every tree on the way down.  But, I'll take one for the team here and there, and I'll do it with a smile on my face and have fun while I'm at it, but don't get pissed when I bail the other 38 times.  Just like when I ask you to go to the movies and you hate watching movies or can't get a sitter I won't get mad.  Give and take, is that too hard to ask for in a friend?  I apparently fail at one or both of those qualities and add in my smart ass comments it's too much to bear.

Seems odd to me that the people I grew up with seem to think I'm funny but to my own boyfriend I'm just a big smart ass....maybe they just humor me...or maybe I've just been lied to my entire life....

**Cheers to my friends from P'cola**  Thanks for the laughs. I'm genuinely sorry if you ever found me to be insulting, although I hope and I pray that I'm just misunderstood HERE and you all truly did just "get me". 

If you need me, I'll be in the corner licking my wounds and eating some humble pie.  Confidence is good, apparently I've been confused.  *blow my head off*

~M

P.S.  **static**

Note from the editor:
Since writing this blog I have spoken with Jason about his need to excuse my sense of humor before it came into question.  He said that he didn't mean to hurt my feelings but that he was trying to be helpful "in case" I just so happened to have accidentally said something which was taken the wrong way.  Although I still heard an insult hidden inside his explanation, I tried to hear where he was coming from.  According to him: "most females do not say whatever witty thing pops into their head, that is something a guy would do." Which is clearly evidenced by this explanation as most women realize when they are eating their foot for lunch and decide to STOP TALKING.  I have decided to take all of this as a compliment.  He wants them to like me.  He just has a funny way of showing it! *groan*

Trivial Pursuits

I'm not quite sure when exactly the tradition of the "fun facts" started, yet sometime in the past year or so Jason started bringing home fun facts from work.  Along with the fun facts there would be a few trivia questions to answer.  The first time he brought them over it was just me and him going through them.  But on the 2nd or 3rd batch my mom happened to be home when he brought them out to read.  Mom instantly fell in love with the fun facts and so the tradition began.  Here and there whenever she is off in the evening and we all eat together, she'll start asking Jason for them.  Mom:  Fun facts!  Where are the fun facts? I waaaaant fun facts!

About once or twice a month Jason will produce a pile of papers with said trivia and fun facts--prompting my mom to nickname Jason:  Facts Man.  Feel free to run with this in your head!  Example 1: Dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner FACTS MAAAN!  Yes, along with the hours of fun the the facts gave came the hours of fun talking about how fun my (Example 2:) Man of the Facts is.  

And so tonight was no different from any other night of fun facts.  We had Lemon Herb Chicken Helper w/Mixed Veggies followed by chants of:  Fun facts!  Where are the fun facts? I waaaaant fun facts! :)  Jason dug up some trivia of the day and so the fun began. After about 8 or 9 trivia questions mom was on a roll getting most of them right.  We were all laughing and carrying on having so much fun <facts>.   

The event that took place on or about question number 10 is the reason I am now sharing all of this with you!  Do you recall in my last post where I talked about my willingness to sing badly and the great joy it brings to me?  Well, here you go: 

Following the plane crash of 19xx marked our country's "day the music died".  Which artists were killed in this crash?   

All I heard was "day the music died" uh huh! Youuuu guessed it:

"I started singin'

 So, bye-bye, Miss American Pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee
But the levee was dry
And them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye
Singin' this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die"

As I started belting this out (LOUDLY), mom joined in and illustrated.  It went a lil something like this:

Mom: waving hand with big waves.  Me: So, bye-bye Miss American Pie

Mom: Hands at 10 and 2 "driving".  Me: drove my Chevy

Mom: pointing at the invisible levee  Me: to the levee

Mom: holding her hand up like where is it?  Me: but the levee was dry

Mom: tipping her hand up like a bottle  Me: them good ol' boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye

Mom: pointing a gun to her head  Me: singin this'll be the day that I die

Mom: again with the gun and some rolled eyes playing dead  Me: ooooh this'lllll be the daaaaay that I diiiiiiiie...

If this wasn't enough, after we did this once Jason proceeded to try to read the available answers.  Immediately mom started waving again.  Needless to say I joined in; we did the entire routine again ending it in peals of laughter.  Jason was just sitting there watching the entire spectacle, completely unphased by it all.  Afterwards we just went right back to answering the question.  I am sure going to miss nights like these come the end of July when me and mom part ways. *tear*

~M  

P.S.  After taking it "easy" on our workout regime the past two weeks we have renewed our diligence.  Yesterday we picked up where we left off...*groan*.  I feel I may have turned into a chocolate bunny after all.  NO MORE EASTER CANDY FOR ME---EVER!!! ;)

 
 
 

I love you P.S.

I have a friend who likes to remind me, pretty much every time I see her, of how very OLD I am.  Which to me is kinda funny since I'm only 5 years older than she is.  For me, age becomes more and more irrelevant the older I get. Secretly I wait for the day when she hits the "dirty thirty" so I can plot my revenge, complete with black balloons, black cake, and black candles. *evil laugh*

Although no one likes to be reminded of their inadequacies, I find it particularly irritating when someone brings up a topic that is not only out of my control but is also the inevitable.  Truly--aging beats the hell out of the alternative! ;) Besides, perfection is boring and over rated--I mean, even diamonds are unique because of their flaws.  So, since I've recently realized that I have the tendency to rant more than rave, I shall treat you to some of my favorite underwhelming "qualities" about myself. :)

I am klutzy.  I tend to run into things, spill things--fumble them if you will.  Sugar coat it however you like, but overall, I am not a graceful person.  In saying that: I LOVE to dance; as much as I love to dance, I am equally awkward at it. Reminds me of the cheer in Buffy the Vampire Slayer:  "How funky is your chicken? How funky is your chicken? How loose is your goose? Our goose is totally loose! So come on all you Hog fans, so come on all you Hog fans and shake your caboose, and shake your caboose! WHoooO!" So uh yea, it's bad!  Doesn't stop me from shakin' my caboose though! Nope nope--I'm in like Flynn!


I love to sing--preferably at the top of my lungs, but just loud in general works too.  I find it is best to miss as many notes as possible; I also like to give myself bonus points for inventing "new" lyrics.   
"There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead;
When she was good, she was very, very good,
And when she was bad she was horrid."
Cut to me: all good at being bad and horrid! ;)  I think that if you're going to be bad at something you enjoy doing, then you may as well enjoy doing it badly...but that's just me.  My ex used to tell me: "Mags, you are NOT the next American Idol".  Well no shit Sherlock; what was your first clue?  When I wasn't standing in a long line to audition? Hmmm:   "Curiouser and curiouser!"
Thankfully Jason loves to hate my singing; he is fantastic at coming up with funny lyrics. Together, we spit lyrical poetry and freestyle to a funky fresh beat...ya feel me?! ah ha!:)

Viola, there they are folks:  two of my favorite worst qualities. :)  I'm sure there are many to choose from, but these two are keepers!  Yes, I shall cherish my lack of rhythm and tone deafness until the hip bone connected to the leg bone degenerates from my OLD self and my Def Jams go platinum.


~M

P.S.  I thought of the perfect P.S. earlier when I started this whole blog and now I've forgotten it! Grrr!  The P.S. is kind of like my thing.  Like the abrupt subject change which in conversation would sound something like:  Not to change the subject, but....

Collective thoughts...

Having not posted since, yea, sorry, too lazy to go back and look, you're on your own with this one well, since my last post, I have quite a bit o' info to go through.  And since it's already past my bedtime I shall try to do my best to not only have this all make sense but to touch on all bases in my brain I think I just inadvertently shorted myself in the smarts department.  Note to self, don't blog past the bedtime, it makes you look dumb.

I have decided it is now time to fly the coup.  Following the expiration of my joint lease with my mom, I shall be moving into a place without my parental unit.  Have I mentioned that I hate apartment hunting? So on Saturday me and Jason went shopping for an apartment.  I was having an allergic reaction complete with swollen eye socket, itchy red eyes, sneezing, runny nose...well, you get the picture.  Did I mention my eye socket was swollen?  Literally the inside part of my eye was swelling so you could then see it on the outside of said eye.  I was freaking out.  Jason was sitting politely at the desk of some leasing agent while I went to the bathroom to investigate the extent of my allergic reaction.  After washing my face and taking a Claritin, I went and interrupted him as he was acting interested in said complex.  All I could think about was the possibility that I would have a huge eye socket and/or temporary blindness.  Me: in complete freak out mode.  Jason:  cool, calm and collected, asking the leasing agent about the property.  Me:  realizing that this could only be the result of an allergy to apartment hunting, I now needed to vacate the premises immediately.
This apartment complex which seemed oh so PERFECT in its website was truly a GHETTO in hind sight. Though we did manage to find two places that were more to our liking that day, so we shall see.  Sadly I realize that not only do I hate apartment hunting, but I am now convinced I'm also allergic to it as well. :)

I hate the rumor mill; I also love the rumor mill.  I guess what I really like is being informed.  I am not a fan of having no clue what is going on around me, unless it is something that will stress me out and then I'd rather not know.  So long as I know the important things and/or that which is pertaining to me, I am happy and blissfully ignorant to the day to day drama of others.  That being said: I hate the rumor mill, especially when my name is being thrown around in it.   
Today I spoke to a girl who has given her resignation notice at work.  She decided to inform me of things that I'd rather have been blissfully ignorant of about myself.  Not that they were opinions about me, no no, that would've been easier to shrug off.  After all, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.  Instead she told me things that she "knew" about me as they were told to her by another.  The person who told her these things is a girl I use the term girl VERY loosely, this female is anything but a girl.  In fact, you could mistake her for a Linebacker.  She is NOT lady like, and she is certainly NOT one of the FEW kind people I work with.  I find that she is manipulative, vicious, and evil.   Quite frankly if she got hit by a bus tomorrow I would not mourn the loss of her presence upon the earth.  I might even go as far as to say to the world: Happy Cinco de Mayo World! Yes, I realize that I am not being kind here either, but she has been a <forget the thorn, she's more like tire spikes the police throw down> in the flesh since I've met her. Sorry, but I just cannot always be nice. that I do not get along with.  I made the mistake of being nice to her when I first started at my job and we became friends.  Shortly after I became friends with her, I realized the error in my judgment.  Too late, as I now have a bulls eye on my forehead.  She loves to target me with trash talking and truly any way she can put me down or make me feel incompetent she does and will.  I also realized a few months ago that when I stopped confiding in Ms. Diva Gotti that everything between me and Ms. Linebacker started to calm down.  What I didn't realize until today that there are things I told said Ms. Diva Gotti about my personal life that she relayed back to Ms. Linebacker.  Ms. Diva Gotti led me to believe that she despised Ms. Linebacker.  It never even occurred to me that she would have a need to divulge things I'd told her in confidence--ESPECIALLY about my personal life.  But when I heard it all chewed up and puked back out to me today, it had been twisted into a whole new life form.  It vaguely resembled the truth, but juuuust barely.  It was more like a based on a true story movie where they take "liberties" with the details.  It is taking everything in my power to not go ballistic on Ms. Diva Gotti.  I think that it helps that I'm pretty sure saying something to her will not only NOT do any good, but she is seriously one scary gangsta female.  She has a way of being oh so sweet and charming when she needs/wants something, but pee yourself scary when she hates you.  This is yet another reason why most employers now do criminal background checks and rule out people with violent crimes in their pasts!  Let this be a lesson boys and girls:  Do not play with the felons on the playground!  When someone gets hurt, it will most likely be a life threatening injury rather than a boo boo.  Just a helpful tip, from me to you! 

Yesterday was our "listen with your hearts" mumbo jumbo meeting.  I cannot tell you how fun it was.  *dripping with sarcasm*  The leader lady made us put our feet flat on the floor, close our eyes, and invoke thoughts of calmness, blah blah blah...to be honest she lost me the moment she said for me to put my feet floor, I tend to wanna be curled up with my feet in the chair.  But when she said invoke, all I could do was think: are we doing a seance? My saving grace was two-fold.  I not only got paired up with the one person I truly LOVE at my job but we also were short a third person in our group.  *You win!*  She even helped me clear up a few doubts I had bouncing around in my head about my upcoming move.   I'm fairly certain we didn't do the exercise properly, however, I feel like I still got something out of the hour and a half because of her wisdom.   When it was time to do a third rotation, I had the genius idea that we should observe others since we'd both shared and listened but hadn't had the "opportunity" to observe...truly I just didn't feel like faking the funk of participation any longer and I was pretty sure we were both on the same page in that...however, I didn't predict that the leader lady would split us up and have us both watch different single group.  I thought we'd just kinda be looking around the room at all the groups.  *my bad*

My new group's "sharer" went on and on for 7 minutes about his love of prayers, meditation, burning sage, fishing, hunting, kickboxing the stars around in the galaxy, the afterlife, hugging the trees in the redwood forest, blah blah blah...see also he's full of ka ka poo poo. And my favorite part?  After the entire thing was done and the lady leader asked for feedback our groups' little Rainbow Bright (aka Blue #2 from the fire drill) piped up to say:  "Well, I tend to get bored easily.  So for me, the challenge was to listen and not let my mind wander when my sharer was sharing.  I tend to lose track after a few seconds and go off in my own little train of thought"....REALLY?  Because for someone who is SO interesting that you bore quickly of others, you sure made me want to slit my wrists after 7 minutes of listening to you ramble on.  I mean come on man!  *rolling my eyes*  The light at the end of this long dark tunnel?  Our last meeting will be on May 17th.  *yippee kai yay!* 

~M

P.S.  Went to see Something Borrowed last night with my girl Kristin--LOVED IT!!  Such a cute movie! :)