Social Media

Communication is quickly becoming a lost art.  We no longer write eloquent letters to our loved ones or fret about misspelled words, instead we applaud acronyms in place of full sentences and send text messages instead of picking up the phone to call.

It is depressing that it has become acceptable for a family member to text you Happy Birthday rather than call or send a card.  

When did our lives become so busy?  When did it become too difficult to simply speak to one  another in order to communicate?

True, I am better in writing than in conversation.  Because when I write I am able to carefully say what I mean rather than jumble my words together and spit them out in a random thought that has a different or less meaning than I intended.  

This is apparent even in my text messages.  I send novels instead of fragments; I try to spell out every word and carefully say exactly what I mean rather than abbreviate.  But too often my novels go unread or unanswered like thoughts sent out to the universe with an echo...

When did we become too busy to respond?  We are so focused on what is going on in our own lives that we have forgotten how fulfilling it is to spend quality time with our friends and family.

We have digressed.

We've traded phone calls for text messages, text messages for no response at all.  We've traded greeting cards for e-cards and wrapped gifts for gift cards.  We're too busy to pick up the phone, to put pen to paper, or to go out to a store.  We have instead traded the corner store for Amazon, Blockbuster for Netflix, and cashiers for Google wallet.

Our society has become too busy to notice that we are failing at an elementary level.  We blame outsourcing jobs for our economical crisis yet we contribute daily to the problem by refusing to take the time to visit a local business.  

When was the last time anyone heard the word boycott?  It has become such a foreign concept to get a community of like minded people to unite in a cause and STOP.  

Instead we post our propaganda on Social Media websites and define ourselves by "friends" that we barely know and "followers" that we don't intend to lead. 

Social media has made us socially mediocre.  

But...it's not too late to become exceptional.

~M

Changes

Learning of the death of a loved one is cause for pause and reflection.
This evening was no different:  as I was sitting here on my couch watching a movie, I couldn't help but to, quite literally, pause the movie to reflect.

When I'm feeling philosophical and/or nostalgic sometimes I have bible verses pop into my mind that I learned when I was a kid.  
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8:
Verse 1: To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven.

What a powerful way to think of time: as a period to every purpose. 

Life is fragile and should not be taken for granted:
We must instead live life with purpose and what greater purpose is there than love?  

For me, family equals love.  The family that we are born with,  that we make along the way, and that we build through lasting friendships.

This year has been different than the past several years;  our family dynamics are evolving. Some have been exceptional changes--yet others: devastating.  

Regardless of the reason for these changes, the time to every purpose will come.  
We will welcome birth, we will mourn loss, we will laugh, we will cry, we will be angry, and we will forgive...

...all of this in time, to every love.

~M

Confessions of a Chocoholic.

Admit it, you've done it too. That moment when you should've quit while you were ahead, and yet that last morsel of delicious delectable spoke to you. "Eat me." And you obliged. For some people it is the "I must clean my plate" routine, for others--food is just too good to pass up. No matter who you are, at some point, you've had that feeling like you've just been stuffed to your gullet.

I'm a stress eater. I eat when I'm stressed and then get stressed over eating about stress. See what just happened there?! I'm convinced that I'm missing a chromosome or a genetic switch. It will happen out of the blue, and I'll think to myself, "Self, please stop". Stupid Self, she never listens to me!

Then comes the inevitable food coma, the leveling of the blood sugar that feels like you just took a hit...the light bulb goes off, I'm just a freaking junkie: chocolate is my addiction.

Why don't they have a 12-step program for junk food junkies?  I can see it now:

Hi, my name is Magdalene, and chocolate is my drug of choice.  "Hi Magdalene."
It's been 3 days since my last chocolate and I'm starting to get the urge to use chocolate again.  I'm finding myself wandering around the drug stores and Super Wal-marts...up and down the candy aisle.  I keep trying to stay away from the old stomping grounds but it is OH SO HARD!  I go to the grocery store and just when I think I'm in the clear they have the Easter candy display right next to the check-out...you know the one in Safeway?!  It is massive!!  How cute, the chocolate eggs and the Reese's bunnies, and yet I know I shouldn't.  Why does being bad have to taste SO good?!
And then there's that week, you know the one.  I start craving chocolate a few days before...it's like a sickness.

Magdalene, anytime you feel that urge to binge and purge, call your sponsor.  We are here for you.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Well, you get the gist.
~M
  

Turning off the Hamster Wheel

There is something very uplifting about reading other blogs.

I have this hamster wheel inside my head, constant spinning, never getting anywhere. Think. Think. Think. It is like in the Minority Report, a constant tape going in my head. Pause, rewind, replay. Think. Think. Think. Go back, this happened, go forward, that happened, pause, rewind, play. It is the same attention to detail and intense problem solving skills that make me good at my job. I love that I can put pieces together, details that seem irrelevant yet matter, and figure out what is going on. I hate that I cannot shut off my brain.

Jason says that the reason I can't sleep is because I can't stop thinking, he also says that it is the same reason when I wake up in the middle of the night I don't just roll over and fall back to sleep. Eyes open=brain on.

Reading other peoples' thoughts is like a mental vacation. I love it when I can witness other peoples' thought process. Learn from it. Improve. Feels better already. Blogs are unique in that way, unlike a book, it is a rant or rave or blurb about fill in the blank. From start to finish it is how the author thinks. That particular thought of the day, how they start it off, their formation of words, and how they bring it all together is a form of art.

I like the Blogs that are perspective the best. The ones that are written to just tell you what is on their mind and why. The artsy fartsy ones are great too, don't get me wrong; everything in life has a purpose. Without the recipe builders and the photo collagiers, and the crafty mccraftersons of the world there would be less to choose from, less pinterest, less good food, good photos, less good. But, for me, I love to read the people who just take over the page with their personality and witty Outlook on life. (I also love that my phone thinks their witty Outlook is a Microsoft program hence it auto corrected my capitalization....and so it shall stay that way)

Yes, I just wrote a blog about blogs. But I can't seem to fall asleep and since I was reading and felt happy, it made sense to put it on paper(?). So, put that in your pipe and smoke it. :)

How do you turn off your brain?
~M

P.S. Jason and I are going to do the Warrior Dash in April. It should be a blast. We are pretty excited about it, and most of all I will get to cross off one of the things on my list of things to do before I turn 35....although, come to think of it, my list is a little slim....I still need several things to add to it. I should add, adding more things to my list, to my list.

Once more into the gray.

Lately I've started to question my apparent need to cleanse my life of "people". It is weird, it is random, and it is starting to make me feel like I could have a problem.

Here's how it works. I comment, e-mail, or otherwise contact them and they ignore me. Several things could be happening. Either they are busy, they don't get the message right away, or they don't feel like responding....whichever the case may be, I get annoyed. I start feeling like why do I even bother keeping in contact with them? Clearly I am either a nuisance or I am just not that important to them; and so I delete them: from my phone, from social networking, and from my life. And then it happens: I feel bad. Obviously I want them in my life, or they would have never been there to begin with. But I am so deranged that if I'm not important enough to warrant a simple reply then piss on them. But I don't really feel that way. I want them there, I just want THEM to also want me there.
And then there is me: perfect in every way. I always respond to people, try to include them, make them feel like they are important in MY life.....or do I? Chances are I do the same exact thing for various reasons to the ones I love. Why is it that I cannot seem to stop wearing my heart on my sleeve? I am sad, because over the past year or so I have weeded out people. Sure, some of them were toxic and needed to go, but some of them were people I care about. I wish I weren't so black and white. Sometimes gray is good too.
Note to self: learn to have PATIENCE with people. Then one day when I need them to show me the same considerations, they will.
~M
P.S. all I can hear in my head right now is that song....goes something like: I want you to want me. I need you to need me. ....although not in that exact way.... LOL

I digress...

Do you ever wish you could screams at the top of your lungs for as long as you voice would allow you too? Not that you need to be heard, but more that you need a release. Of course punching someone in the nose would suffice, but that is beside the point.
I had one of THOSE days today. Not that anyone DID anything wrong, they just also didn't DO anything right either. It is the days like this when no amount of chocolate will help. These days are best spent alone. I was decidedly NOT alone today.
Jason says that only women complain about the stuff I was mulling over with him. He then mentions a scenario where he would come home and complain to me in a similar fashion. Really? What made him think that playing Devil's Advocate was a good idea tonight? I feel he could have just as easily told me to get over it. Not that my complaints were even directed towards him.
Yes, punching someone in the nose tonight would have definitely sufficed! LOL
I gotta get a hobby; something I can pour myself into for hours without having to think too hard.
~M
P.S. I want to go back to being a blonde. I keep saying in June, but maybe the sooner, the better. I could definitely use a change of pace.

Current Frustration...

I'm having a woe is me moment.  It'll pass, to be sure. However, since I haven't blogged in some time and I'm currently all alone in my home and have given up on my favorite past time I decided to blog about this.

I'm frustrated with PEOPLE.  I seldom ask for company, for help, or for anything really.  I try to be there when people need me.  I think I go out of my way to be helpful at work often to my own detriment.  However, people are on my last nerve.

In the last few weeks I have been available to people who are NEVER available to me when I need them.   And the worst part to me is this, not only do they only come around when THEY need something, it is like they are also ungrateful about it when I try to be of assistance.

How's this right:  every time I go out of my way to be there for this one particular friend she is ALWAYS too busy to answer, and when she does answer it is very short and sweet almost like I'm bothering her.  So, I figure she must be too busy for me, I stop bothering her.  The instant I go away and leave her alone, she wants to know what is wrong with ME?  Why don't I talk to her anymore...wth?  I'm like are you nuts?

Then there's the people who come to me ONLY when they want something.  Never do I hear from them just because they LIKE my company.  Nope, it's for help.  The friend who hangs out with other friends but when she needs comfort and advice and is depressed she actually says:  I knew I could talk to you about this--yes, you can.  But you can also talk to me about how life is treating you good and we can joke and go shopping together and have FUN!  What a concept!!!

I have one friend that I used to call constantly, I LOVE this person, she was always there for me and to be fair she really still is.  However, I switched to Sprint and she has Verizon and it sucks because now I can't talk to her as much.  We have started to drift apart, not because I don't think about her and love her and hope nothing but good things to happen for her, but because she has 450 mins a month and we are not on the same network....how sad is that?!

Jason has been at work all day long, he has the truck, I could take the bus "somewhere" I suppose, but it's not exactly the time of year to be out in the crowds.  So, here it is:  6:00pm and I'm all alone with nothing to do, and have been all day long.  I have no cable and the house is clean.  So, here I am, sitting here in the dark ready to scream.  To be fair, it was light when I started this and only now has it gotten dark in here and I'm just being too lazy to get my happy ass up and turn on the lights but still...the fact is that I'm sitting here alone in the dark.

I don't have kids, I have animals.  And for all you people out there that have kids and talk incessantly (I'm not complaining, just saying) about your kids, think for one moment what it would be like for you without those kids when all your friends and family have kids.  You wouldn't fit into that same "kids club".  And you wouldn't think to call that friend who has kids because you don't want to bother them or add to their plate because their hands are full. So, you find yourself often with a younger crowd of friends.  Only with that younger crowd it's like an older high school but now I don't fit in anymore because I'm "old" to them.  Instead, I don't fit in with anyone.  When my nephew lived with me, it was like seeing behind a curtain, and people wanted to have play dates and be around me to get the kids together.

I miss having FRIENDS.  I miss my old girlfriends from home.  I miss always having something to do and someone to call.  I miss having people in my life who like being around me, and not just when they need something or are having a problem.  But then, I suppose, with age comes responsibility--so on an importance level I am LOW on the totem pole in comparison to kids and family.  I get it, but it doesn't make it easier to be in my shoes.  It would be nice to get a call from someone, just because they enjoy my company and wanted to spend time with me, and not just because they are depressed because their husband cheated, or their child got arrested, or their boyfriend isn't doing what they want him to do, or it's a birthday, or holiday--although I love being there for those things too. 

The only person who calls me regularly because he loves and misses me is Jason.  He's the only one in my life who enjoys spending time with me just because.  So yes, he is my best friend, and yes I choose to spend time with him above going to bars, but he does the same for me and without needing any reason:  "just cause".   But that doesn't mean I can't go to coffee, or to lunch, or occasionally to dinner with a friend, I can and I will. 

I'm done complaining now.  I just needed someone to hear me out...